Viewer Discretion Is Advised...Or Whatever

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Follow The Breadcrumbs
These are all ME. All of my personal videos and pictures are watermarked. If you check out one there will be something leading you to one or both of the others.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

The Perks of Being In A Long Distance Relationship by Mark B. Rosenberg

1. You Don't Have To See Them Everyday.
There are very few people (if any) I really need to see every single day, which is why I still don't understand why the gays want to get married. Cohabiting and sharing everything becomes exhausting and problems such as financial issues, petty fights and dealing with children (yuck!) consume your life. When you date long distance, you literally get to chose when you see your significant other and you don't have to come home every night after a long day's work to hear about stupid office gossip that you never cared about to begin with.

2. The Sex
When you go for long periods of time without seeing the person you love, the sex gets better each time. People in long term relationships who live in the same city or even together, often times find that sex becomes boring after a while and try, in fain, to spice things up ("Let's add a third to the mix. Cause that won't ruin our relationship - it will only make us stronger!" Idiots.) When your partner lives in a different city than you, you long for them more which makes the sex hotter when you see them. Sure, most nights you have to rub one out on your own, but those bi-weekly thrown downs in an airport waiting area make it all worth it.

3. The SexTING
When you can't see the one you love, you need to find creative ways to get the message across to them that you cannot wait to fuck their brains out the next time you do see them. The best way to do that is sexting. Of course, couples who live in the same city can do this, but sexting with someone who doesn't live near you is hot. And with the advent of FaceTime and SKYPE, you can take sexting to the next level and literally have sex with someone via your mobile device. Without the penetration of course, but it's still fun and kinky nonetheless.

4. The Travel.
I am one of those weirdos who loves living in hotels. I also love flying and train travel and when you're dating someone in another city, you get to do all of the above on the regular. When you date someone who lives, say down the street, the options of what you can do for fun become limited. When you date someone who lives across the country, the options for fun nights out and romantic dinners are endless. And think of the miles you'll end up racking up to help pay for an awesome tropical getaway.

5. The Friends.
Anyone who has ever dated before has dated someone who has a friend that you just can't stand. When you date someone who lives on the opposite end of the country, you can say things like: "Oh, I was just hoping for us time tonight. I never get to see you." Instead of what you really want to say which is: "you're friend is a stupid bitch. I can't stand her and don't see how you can either," because that's just not nice - something I have said several times and the possible reason as to why I don't have a beau. This ends up helping your relationship yet again especially if you secretly hate your partners friends.

6. Catching-Up.
Unless you're a person who is super easily jealous, only seeing someone you care about every weekend or every other weekend can benefit you enormously. This way, you talk about the things that are really important, the stuff you couldn't cover over the phone or during a sexting exchange. And you could have a lot more sex too. Just putting that one out there again.

So dump your boyfriend who lives in Hells Kitchen and take up with the boy you met on Facebook a few weeks ago, have never met in person and who lives in Kentucky. The sex will not only be amazing, but I hear, there is a ton of shit to do down in Louisville come Derby time. And you'd get to rock a fabulous hat you're friends in New York would have made fun of you for wearing in the first place. Bonus!

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Friday, May 3, 2013


1. Your job. Yes, even if you’re working something that other people condescendingly term “not a real job,” such as retail or service. If you have a job of any kind in this economy, you’ve already won.

2. Whether or not you have debt. If you managed to get out of your education debt-free, that doesn’t mean that your life is a financial walk in the park that you constantly have to be apologizing for. If you are in debt, it doesn’t mean you got a “worthless” degree and now deserve to be shamed for struggling to find work after you were convinced by your school that you were making a good decision.

3. The kind of food you enjoy eating, or why you enjoy eating. (No matter how “uncultured” or “boring” or “gross” someone else might deem your favorite food.)

4. Your decision to have children, or not have them, or to not be sure if you even want them.

5. Your dislike for marriage as an institution — and even if this one day changes, you don’t have to justify having grown as a person and moved into a new point of view. No one should be telling you “I told you so” over something as enormous as your decision to commit for life to another person.

6. Your sexuality, or your desire to experiment with it. You are allowed to have “phases” or “try things out” or be “confused,” and can take as much time as you want figuring it out.

7. Your gender presentation.

8. Your income level, and what you can and cannot afford. If you are having trouble keeping up with friends because you are not able to spend as much as them, there is no reason to risk financial ruin to try and keep up appearances.

9. Your body. The only person whom you need to talk to about with it is your doctor; everyone else can else can go kick rocks.

10. Whether or not you want to go out on a weekend night, or ten weekend nights in a row. The amount of time you spend in a bar or at a club does not directly correlate with how cool or worthy a person you are.

11. Your relationship status. If you’re single and happy, that’s great. If you’re in a relationship and happy, that’s great. If you’re either of those and not happy, you are more than allowed to be, and it’s no one’s business how you should “fix” it unless you ask them for their advice.

12. How many friends you have. One is enough. A hundred is enough. And there is no need to falsely upgrade acquaintances to “friend” status in your mind simply to fill out the ranks. A true friend is rare, and we don’t need to make it a competition for who has the most.

13. How much you drink when you go out, or if you drink at all, or why you choose not to drink if you do.

14. What kind of music you enjoy listening to.

15. What kind of an education you have or don’t have, or if you intend to go back and finish what you’ve started. If continuing your studies is something you want to do, good, but don’t be forced into saying that you want it just because it’s what people expect of you.

16. What you happen to be turned on by. If you like slash fiction, you like slash fiction. If you like people recording videos of themselves popping balloons, that’s awesome for you. It’s all good, and as long as you’re not hurting anyone, have at it.

17. Whether or not you know to cook, even if you’re a woman who “should” know how to do those things.

18. If you stay at home to raise your children, or if you hire someone to help you do so because you have a full-time career. Neither of those choices are more or less feminist, no matter what Elizabeth Wurtzel tells you.

19. How many people you have had sex with.

20. Whether or not you are a virgin, and whether or not you want to wait for marriage to lose said virginity.

21. Whether or not you believe in God, and what you think God actually is. (As long as you’re not imposing any of your beliefs on others, in which case we’d have a bit of a problem. But I trust that you’re cool and wouldn’t do that.)

22. Who you voted for and why. If you want to talk about it, you’re free to. But no one should ever make you feel like you have to tell them.

23. If you have sex on a first date, if you kiss on a first date, or if you won’t even hold hands on a first date. You’re allowed to do whatever you like when you’ve just met a new potential suitor.

24. Whether or not you choose to use dating websites.

25. Not knowing exactly what you want to be when you grow up, even if many people would already put you in the category of “grown up.” If you are considering going back to school, or changing careers, or moving, or starting a family, or doing charity work — it’s all good. And none of it has to be followed up with a longwinded explanation about why it’s a good idea and they should believe in you. If you need to justify what makes you happy to someone in your life, perhaps you should ask yourself why you even care about their opinion in the first place.